Every issue we highlight 1 sensational Jeddahwy person, 1 Jeddahwy life aspect, and 1 Jeddahwy hot topic…

Areej Batarfi On ADHD And Perimenopause

This month’s Sensational Jeddahwy Areej Batarfi is an inspirational woman and adult ADHD discoverer…

October is well known for its Breast Cancer Awareness status. However, equally as important, it’s also ADHD Awareness Month. What started in 2004 as an awareness day has stretched to a month, bringing forth the realization that ADHD isn’t exclusively a children’s issue, but also affects adults who go undiagnosed. Areej Batarfi was diagnosed in her 40s, which transformed her life.

Jeddahwy got to talking to Areej about her transformative ADHD journey:

How did you discover your ADHD in adulthood?
One of the things that affects ADHD symptoms is hormones. So, every stage of hormonal shifts, like puberty and perimenopause, affects ADHD symptoms. So, during COVID and because of hormonal changes, my cycle was changing, period pain was different, mood swings were worse. I started eating a lot more. I didn’t know what was going on. No diet or anything was working. I did hormone tests, and everything came out normal.

I still needed to do something about my weight, so I did the tablet balloon. However, I was still gaining weight and binge eating ice cream. Then, I went to an eating disorder therapist, and she asked about my feelings of fullness and satisfaction. I told her that I never felt that. She then thought that I was hyper-focusing on the action rather than the end result, which is a symptom of ADHD, and started looking at other aspects of my life. Eventually, she suspected that I could have ADHD, and she wanted me to do the diagnosis. When I went to my doctor in Jeddah, my psychiatrist, he said, ‘women and adults don't get ADHD!’

So, I disregarded what my therapist said and suffered for a year after that as the doctor prescribed antidepressants that didn’t work, and then later bipolar meds, which gave me a medication-induced psychosis. My therapist then insisted I stop all meds and booked me in with a psychiatrist in London. And that’s how I discovered my ADHD!

How has ADHD affected your life; how does it manifest in adults?
If you have ADHD, you have had it since childhood; it's not like you suddenly develop it as an adult. But, if you're not diagnosed as a child, it's hard to tell the signs as an adult. As you mature, it's less with the hyperactivity and more with the inattentiveness. So, all the energy is in your brain; it manifests more as hyper-brain activity. And, with ADHD, serotonin levels are much lower or none at all. All this translates to you not getting any satisfaction from completing any task, and no serotonin is being produced, hence the lack of focus on any one thing.

It's about executive functions, how to concentrate when you should be concentrating, how to feel like you've completed a task and get satisfaction out of it. So, I always needed those hyper-focused sessions to get anything done. This is how people with ADHD live; we wait for the hyper-focused session to come in, hoping that it will come in when needed. And usually, it only happens when you’re overwhelmed or terrified of a deadline, but sometimes the hyper-focus just doesn’t get activated.

How has it affected your relationships before and after diagnosis?
One of the things I never understood was why I only had in-depth relationship with neurodivergent people. It didn’t have to be ADHD; it just had to be something, not the typical neurotypical person. People with neurodiversity can bond with each other because they’re generally misunderstood themselves, so they’re more open-minded about understanding other people. You accept people more.

And after the diagnosis, I can now build relationships with neurotypical people. I can understand why they don't understand me. So, I’m more careful about what I say as I know they won’t be as understanding as neurodiverse people who are generally more compassionate, understanding, empathetic, and sympathetic to differences.

Are there telltale signs as an adult that can make someone suspect that they might have ADHD?
As an adult, you get diagnosed with a lot of depression. But, look for the differences. The difference between depression and ADHD is that if you're clinically depressed, you most likely will never be able to get out of bed, even if your best friend came and it was a happy night. But with ADHD, if a good friend comes to you, you still have a good time with them. This is not science, but just from my observations. And, if you take the antidepressants and it doesn’t work, check that out also; you probably don’t have depression but something else. Of course, if tasks take forever to finish and you have that attention deficit, that’s a sign.

Do you advise people to take ADHD meds, as there are a lot of conflicting opinions about them?
There are different levels of ADHD; some can get some natural serotonin, and some can't at all. So, the best thing is to go through therapy and try to work on everything that you can change by yourself without medication. If it's not changing, take the medication and observe how well it works with your body. There’s really no reason for you to struggle if it’s the solution for you.

Then we asked about her experience with perimenopause:

What has your experience with perimenopause been like?
It's pretty interesting because finding out and putting labels on stuff I didn’t understand gave me answers and made me feel better about myself. So, after I've been on the ADHD meds for a year, I expressed to my psychiatrist that they sometimes don’t work, and I observed that that happens around my cycle. My psychiatrist then suggested that I check with a menopause doctor. Interestingly, not all gynecologists specialize in menopause.

Again, my hormones seemed normal, and the doctor then asked about my other symptoms, such as my body temperature changes at night, random sweating, increased night terrors or over dreaming, more panic attacks, and hair on my chin. Particularly, the hair was a signal for the doctor that I am in perimenopause and have been since my 30s; you don’t get those hairs if your hormones aren’t fluctuating.

What are the telltale signs of perimenopause to watch out for?
Perimenopause is the period from when your hormones start fluctuating, as early as in your late 20s for some, until you menopause in the 50s. Yearly hormone tests aren’t an indication as for perimenopause, you have to test every other day for a month every year to see the fluctuations.

Surprisingly, one of the simplest indications is hair - any weird, thick, random hair popping up anywhere it shouldn't belong. Apparently, my tooth gaps were also related to hormones; my front teeth started gapping. Grinding on your teeth at night and sweating in random places - I started sweating from my eyebrows! Your sleeping patterns, your panic attacks.

Also, if you’re always or sometimes feeling more uncomfortable than usual, can't concentrate, can't work, you have dryness, itchiness, constant UTIs, these are all symptoms. Once you see that you're losing your hair in your crown, or your hair is changing textures, becoming more frizzy, more flyaway hair, these are also perimenopause signs.

What are women supposed to do during this period of perimenopause, hormone replacement therapy meds?
With perimenopause, you're trying to stabilize your hormone levels as they’re still there, unlike with menopause, you need to have a little bit of added estrogen and progesterone. In the Middle East, progesterone replacement is easy to come by in the appropriate dosage for perimenopause. But the problem is with the estrogen replacement meds; the ones we have are for menopausal women. They’re stronger and their concentration is too high for perimenopause. What we don’t have is topical estrogen gel on the skin. It's not as potent. It adds a little bit of estrogen every day, just enough.

Natural estrogen alternatives are also found in soy products and others, but these are all oral and don’t work as fast. With the gel, you get the top off much quicker. Within the first couple of weeks, I slept better, sweated less, and stopped having panic attacks.

We then asked about the link between diagnosis and biases against women:

Do you feel there’s more bias against women when it comes to ADHD?
Well, girls mask their symptoms because most of the time, you're told to behave in a certain way to be a good girl to fit in. So, they learn early to mask to suit society’s norms. But it's not a choice they make; they're forced to mask. When boys are being hyperactive, it’s viewed as a natural boy’s naughtiness, but if a girl is being hyperactive, it’s not accepted, and she is told to stop being naughty. The inattentiveness becomes more in girls because you're obstructing the physical activity. Adding to that, the lack of ADHD information growing up, not just in the Middle East but everywhere else, women were the least likely to be diagnosed in general. The medical field just didn’t believe that girls could have ADHD!

Have things started changing in the Middle East?
It's starting to change a little bit. But even till last year, when I was trying to get my ADHD med in KSA, even with the diagnosis from my doctor in the UK, they made me feel like I’m a druggie because they insist that adults, and females in particular, can’t have ADHD. But, this whole ADHD awareness has only been highlighted in the past 10 years or so, so it’s still getting there.

Do you feel there's a perimenopause bias or lack of awareness in the Middle East?
Yes, but it’s not limited to the Middle East. Science is biased, but that’s because it wants the easy way out. So, most medication is tested on male lab rats because they don't have cycles. Hence, the results are more accurate and stable. They can determine a baseline for whether it’s working or not or measure the reactions reliably. But that doesn't help us women because we do have cycles, and all our hormones affect the effects of medications.

And finally, we asked about the issue that plagues every sensational Jeddahwy person:

What’s your life advice for balance, especially for someone with ADHD?
My top advice is to be nicer to yourself. It's hard sometimes, but take it easy on yourself. Understand yourself and what your body is going through, do all you can, and try your best. Work with your limitations, and be aware that there is no ultimate solution. There is no perfection. You can only do whatever you can and give yourself credit for it. And just be kind to others; they’re going through their own battles.

Find and follow Areej Batarfi on Instagram and on Youtube and listen to her specially curated list for ADHD on Spotify.

Spa Lounge Jeddah

For the month of October, we chose the sensational Spa Lounge beauty and wellness center for our Jeddahwy Life review…

One of the most well-known beauty and wellness centers, Spa Lounge, has been an all-time favorite with Jeddah’s women. The spa encompasses many services such as hair coloring, expert nails, massage, makeup, Moroccan baths, eyelashes, and extensions, and even frequently hosts beauty experts. With one stunning location on Nahda St, they offer a multitude of services in a serene and breath-taking environment.

Find Spa Lounge on Instagram or contact them on WhatsApp at +966536767659.

On Breaking The Bias

With all the diversity in the world, we all need to do our part to break the biases, especially as women in the Middle East, writes Reham Kreidieh…

In the Middle East women are customarily prejudiced against in so many ways. Cultures and traditions dictate that we behave in a certain way, and that control in our lives be in the hand of the male in charge: father/brother/uncle/husband. Women were generally regarded as the weaker, less-abled gender and this was supported by religious figures who use religious quotes to support their ongoing control. Strides have been taken to rectify this bias, yet so much more still needs to be done.

We’ve been evolving through a patriarchal society for centuries and many a brave woman fought for the rights we have today. The day will come when we by default hold all the reigns of our existence, and that day is fast approaching.

What we need to do in the interim is to #BreakTheBias; we need to do our part as women of the world to show our male counterparts that their assumptions and biases towards us are misplaced, and we need to shed the light on our own biases:

Embrace Your Emotions But Keep Them Under Control
Men always think that women are irrational, emotional beings and while that may sometimes be true, our emotions are our source of strength. It’s what makes us see the world from our own unique perspective that is essential for the continuity of love and harmony in the world. So, yes, be emotional but don’t let those emotions rule you and make you behave irrationally.

Keep Your Guilt In Check 
Women of the Middle East, particularly, always feel guilty for every action and thought we have as we were raised with very specific lines that we need to behave within. While well-meaning, many of those lines are nonsense themselves. For example: don’t laugh out loud, ‘3eib’, it’s unbecoming of a woman. Why can a man laugh whole-heartedly and a women can’t? Don’t feel guilty when you break a silly rule that stemmed from skewed patriarchal views to begin with.

Being Weaker Doesn’t Make You Lesser
Being physically weaker than men, of course not all of us but generally, or any perceived weakness for that matter, is always used as an excuse to label us and keep us subdued. But, being weaker doesn’t mean you’re any less - true power and strength are in character – own it and show it and be proud of it.

Normalize The Female Way 
For some women staying at home and raising children is the suitable option, for some it’s a job with flexible hours, for others it’s working from home, and for some it’s working within the rigid framework of the corporate world – all these and other options are okay and we should support one another on our chosen paths and send a loud and clear signal that whichever path we choose is ours and ours alone to choose.

Stop Judging Each Other For Our Choices
Most importantly, stop judging other women on their choices in life, clothes, career, marriage, or whatever they may choose to do or live by. This judgment feeds the biases that exist and only serves to provide ammunition to the rest of society to continue being the way they are towards women.

Celebrate all that makes a woman a woman and Break The Bias.